I made three mistakes last week. All three impacted other people. My ego had a field day. I was a bad person, a bad worker, a bad parent, a bad human. Actually not just bad, I was the WORST. And therefore I had this urge to hide forever, or apologize as though I had caused a major disaster.
I was so sorry. Too sorry.
Has this happened to you? You make what others would see as a minor mistake, but your mind runs the event over and over and over, it tells you all kinds of ways you are bad because of it, and leaves you feeling so full of shame you want to crawl under a rock or apologize for days?
When we make mistakes, it is of course important to recognize it, take responsibility, learn from it, and not do it again. The issue is that the ego can take advantage of that initial moment when we take responsibility. Ego can creep in and blow up the drama all around it and punish you for days with negative thoughts about yourself, and all the damage the mistake has done to your reputation and identity.
The downside is that when we are in this drama, we are not in our highest vibration, we are not coming from a place of growth and light and love. We are coming from fear and shadow.
And to set this mistake right, we need to be in a place of light.
Why? Because staying in the light helps us react in the light. So in this initial moment, when ego tries to creep in and take over, stay present, and reframe negative thoughts to positive questions.
You see, when you stay present, you are already staying in your highest vibration and quieting ego. Ego will try to pull you into past and future with, "well see, you did it again, you always screw up, remember the time..." or, "now who will want to be your friend, work with you, date you..." and other negative and limiting nonsense. By staying present, you see the situation as it is in the moment. You see it from a higher perspective. You see it from a detached place of non-judgment.
The second piece is to give your brain something to do so that ego can't take over. Ask it a positive question such as, "how can I learn from this?" or "how can I make this right?," or, "what can I do next time to ensure things come out better?" These questions will help your brain go in a direction you choose. From there you will get higher level answers and higher level behavior.
Staying present and re-framing with positive questions will help you keep yourself in the light. It will also help you not give your power away by over-apologizing. It will help you appropriately and mindfully look at what happened from a place of self-compassion and self-love.
All my best.
Except when I make a mistake. Then I'll say sorry and learn and grow and keep trying. Because I'm a Human. Being.
Blessings and light.